Functionally Godless

I love our church. We are incredibly blessed and well-served by our pastoral team, and this past Sunday was a prime example.



Steve Heitland spoke on the Resurrection and Grace of Jesus Christ--the fact that Christ's body actually rose from the dead, AND why that resurrection is vital to the Christian faith. It is the crux of grace. Grace for true and lasting change.



I encourage you to take a listen to his message here. It's alittle over 30 minutes long. The latter part includes a very personal testimony of his, and it was just what I needed to hear. He shared about an area of his life that has been "functionally Godless". I could identify with his struggle so closely.



I thought I'd share a bit of my story with you all. Maybe you can identify. I hope you'll be encouraged and filled with fresh hope, as I am.

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I've always struggled with my weight--both ends of the spectrum.



As a young girl I was thin and very athletic. Around the time that I entered junior high, I began to notice the other girls in my class and constantly compared myself to them. I also took note of the way my figure would attract attention from the boys. I felt so very insecure about every other part of my appearance, but my body was one thing that bolstered my confidence. And it became an unhealthy obsession...idolatry.



I began starving myself. I took pride in how little I could eat in a given day. Yet, I'd experience bouts of depression and would eat for comfort. Immediately afterward, waves of guilt and shame would wash over me and I'd begin the cycle all over again. And I'd lie to everyone who loved me to continue the farce. Later on, I'd come to realize how out-of-control this part of my life was, yet at the time I felt it was something I genuinely COULD control, and that gave me such satisfaction.



Thankfully, after graduating from high school I entered a missions program that would take me to Central America for a number of months, and the spiritual training prior and the cross-cultural experience itself would transform my life. During this season, God graciously allowed me to see my sin, my deception, grant me freedom from fear, and birth in me a desire to live differently. It would be a start in a new direction.



Years later though, I'm married, working, finishing my degree, and then we start a family and I'm at home full-time. I'm putting on pounds and becoming a lot less active. I make goals for myself and quickly fail. I try and give up again and again, feeling hopeless to change.



God's grace was always available to me, and I'd recognize my need for Him when conviction would come after a period of doing nothing. But, as soon as I'd begin my course of action, I'd leave God out of it. I believed He was part of the solution, but functionally I was living like He wasn't. I was depending on my own ability to "get serious" or "put forth more effort". Looking back over my track record it's not hard to see how futile my attempts were. (Besides, I'm convinced that any success I've had doing things on my own has only tempted my heart towards pride and self-righteousness!)



In this particular area of my life, I have been functionally Godless.

(Boy, that is so hard to say, yet it's the truth.)



Today, tomorrow, and the next day, and as many days after that as it takes, THIS is my prayer and resolve:



Because of Christ's finished work on the cross to save me, a sinner, I have the Holy Spirit to help me change. I am powerless to do it on my own.



I am loved and accepted by God, regardless of my failures and successes. But, He is committed to finishing all the good purposes He has for my life, in and through me, and I'm going to cooperate with Him. I'm inviting Him into this area of my life. I'm giving Him control.



Boundless grace and hope for change are mine. :-)

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Pray for me, will ya?